Thirty Eight Weeks!

I can't believe I have made it this far. I was so nervous about Tyler coming early, everyone had predicted around the thirty six week mark and I was nowhere near ready by then. I still have a few bits and bobs to do before he comes, but he is welcome to come whenever he likes now really - as long as it is in his correct month! I don't think he is going to be long. I said this with Lilia for weeks before I gave birth to her, ha ha, but I genuinely believe Tyler will be here soon. (It'll be just my luck for him to come late now, you watch!) For the past two nights I have been struggling to sleep. I stay up really late at night tossing and turning and then once I have finally dropped off I find myself waking up on and off until between 6 and 8, then I am up for the day. Today I managed to squeeze an hour nap in at 9 after Lilia had been fed and changed, etc. But an hour was all she wanted and then she was up and ready to play. I'm even missing her nap times (lately I've been sleeping when she does) so that I am tired going to bed, but it still doesn't work. His movements are also really painful. I can feel him pressing on everything and it hurts SO bad, I don't remember it hurting like this when I was full term with Lilia.

My anaemia is still pretty much the same. I am expecting to have my blood taken at my next antenatal, which is on Thursday, to check my levels again but they haven't actually told me this. I still feel anaemic some days, and I had a bad turn a few days ago when I didn't eat my lunch and take my tablet at the time I usually do. I couldn't see properly, I couldn't feel my hands, everything was echoey, and it was like I was there but I wasn't.. A sort of out of body experience, if that makes sense.

Apart from that everything else is still pretty much the same as it always is. I had noticed a reduction in movement from him - which is to be expected - but today he seems to be a bit more active again and jabbing everything with all his might. Yay. Not long to go now, four weeks MAXIMUM.. Exciting stuff!

When money is tight..

So I pegged out about one this afternoon because my friend came over and didn't give me a chance to beforehand.. Anyways, consequently the washing still isn't dry now - there wasn't enough wind and it wasn't that hot either. I want to use as little electricity as possible, so instead of tumble drying my washing I have it dangled from anything it can possibly dangle from in my living room, as well as all the radiators (though they are not on). Ha ha. You gotta do what you gotta do, right!

Anyways.. Seventeen days to go, and counting! I really can't wait to meet my little man, but I am definitely
hoping for him to wait until September to come. I don't want an August baby, ha ha.
I have so much ironing I want to get done before Tyler comes. I also have to put the bedding on his crib, put about four loads of washing away (that's not including the constant washing I have to do anyway!), finish packing my hospital bag, clear the other end of my living room, move my dining table back in, and find a place for his moses basket. Believe me that is soo much less compared to what it was.
I can't remember if I have told you that Lilia is in her own bedroom now? Well she is :) and she is doing excellent in there. Usually sleeps all night. My mother is bringing down a cot bed for Tyler soon, and we are going to put it up in their bedroom ready for when he's too big for his crib and moses basket. It's so nice seeing their room done :)

Nineteen Days To Go!

I am EXTREMELY skint, so I am hoping that Tyler doesn't want to come for another two weeks. Which is sad because I wanted to meet him sooner, but I'd rather be prepared in every aspect first.
There is actually no point to this post, just me telling you all I have nineteen days left.. I did warn that the countdown had begun at thirty seven weeks. Ha ha.
This pregnancy has gone by super fast. Definitely seems faster than Lilia's did!

37 weeks - the countdown begins!

So the countdown to my due date finally begins today! I am officially full term, and if and when Tyler comes he will be fully developed and perfectly healthy :) (according to gestation). I am definitely feeling full term, too. I never used to swell up with Lilia but with Tyler my legs and feet swell up if I am on them for too long all the time - too long is apparently cleaning my downstairs! Also I stood up for two hours straight and they ballooned to like triple the size! They ache all the time too. I am constantly feeling tired and drained. Which brings me to my next point.. Yesterday, I had antenatal. I got the blood results back from the surprise bloods they took at my last appointment. Now they told me that they'd phone me if I needed to go on iron tablets, but I didn't get a phone call so I assumed everything was okay.. How wrong I was! My iron level was 9.5, and my midwife was furious that I wasn't on any iron tablets! It was the appointment where you discuss your birthing plans, so you have to see your named midwife. My named midwife seems to be the only one that actually cares about my well being beyond doing what she has to at antenatal, which is a bit ridiculous. (I have the same team as I did last time, and they never seemed this bad when I was having Lilia!) I explained to Amanda (my named midwife) that they told me they would phone me if I needed to go on iron tablets, but no one had phoned me so I just assumed everything was fine and I didn't need any.. She was disgusted that no one had phoned me. After I said this, she turned to me and said "you should have been on iron tablets since twenty eight weeks. Then, your iron levels were ten. At thirty four weeks, they were 9.5. They are dangerously low and someone should have told you about this. Now you only have three weeks to build them back up again otherwise you WILL be having an iron transfusion. Your iron levels are so low that if they drop any further the next time you are tested I will be admitting you for a transfusion. I understand that you didn't know, but now you have to really work hard in getting them levels up. Eat lots of veg, citrus fruits, drink orange juice, red meats, and if you can get any iron supplements to take for tonight then that would be great. Tomorrow first thing you need to phone up your GP and tell them I have told you you need an iron prescription. Any problems, phone the midwifery team and tell them to tell ME about it. I am taking this into my own hands and I will sort this for you." Clearly she wasn't very happy with her colleagues. I wouldn't be either! I was so nervous about this, because they said that I could go in for a transfusion and I know from seeing my nan go through it that it is not very nice at all! But I spoke to someone from my area who was severely anaemic and she said her iron levels dropped to 8.5 and they didn't do anything about it. She didn't have a transfusion, but when she went into labour they got everything ready for one just in case her body didn't cope but luckily it did. I am really going to work hard on building my iron levels up now because I am so nervous about needing a transfusion it's unbelievable! I wanted to buy some Floradix to help build them up, but it is so expensive! I am so skint for the next two weeks that I don't think I can afford to spend a tenner on one bottle!
Anyway, other things that happened in my appointment was I actually remembered to ask about positioning and measurements! Amanda told me she didn't know why they hadn't talked about it with me or even bothered measuring me, maybe they had forgotten because they were busy.. But she told me he is head down. He isn't engaged yet, his head bobs in and out of where it should be ready for labour but apparently that's normal for second time mums because everything is stretched. Lilia never engaged until labour anyway so I'm not really taking too much notice of him not being engaged. My bump is measuring 35cms, so that's 2cms smaller than what it should be. But I don't think they are worried because Amanda didn't say anything. I am more baby than anything else this time around anyway so I guess it makes sense.
I feel my tummy pulling and aching underneath my bump because of supporting all of his weight and him being so low. It isn't nice but usually it goes if I am sitting down, it just begins hurting if I've been stood up for a while or active. I still have a bad hip, just not as often. Same with my back. The pains are not so severe now either. More annoying, ha ha. I still have horrid heartburn too.

Slightly embarrassing!

Never have I been so open about my personal life before. I wish I had just kept to to myself for that little while longer, and then I would have saved myself all these explanations.
So going from my post yesterday about James and I .. Again, I have no idea where I stand. So no more updates until everything is final and 100% definite.
Not that anyone really reads my blog or cares about my love life, ha ha. But it is getting so embarrassing going back on what I've said in previous posts all the time. Men are worse than women, believe me.

Okay..? Confused!

So today James came down to help with sorting the house out and to spend time with Lilia. We got a lot done, and I am so pleased. We managed to sort my entire bedroom out, we just have a few clothes to go away in the wardrobe and then it's done completely! And move the moses basket in from my mums.. We moved Lilia into her bedroom and all we have left to do in there is empty a few bags which we haven't unpacked yet. I also got curtains up in my living room and a light shade (one more light shade to go up, but it's broken atm, don't ask!) and I had new sofas delivered and the old ones are currently in my garden awaiting collection on Thursday.
Anyway, that's not why I'm confused, obviously. I'm confused because once everyone had left (my parents were here helping us out), James ignored me for a little while. I offered him food, etc, but he wouldn't accept a proper meal - just snacks. Every time I'd try and make a conversation with him he'd just give short answers. He was more bothered with playing with Lilia. After Lilia went to bed, he stayed. I'd catch him looking at me when Lilia was awake, and vice versa. But as soon as she was in bed he started throwing a cushion at me from the other sofa. It turned into a massive play fight where he got up and came over. He started tickling me, and then held me tight. I teared up a bit, because I never feel as right as I do when I'm in his arms. I could hear his voice going wobbly too. He told me he's missed me. We had cuddles on the sofa and we kissed. I asked him what was happening between us. He said "well, we've both moved on and met new people.." I nearly burst into tears, I thought he was telling me he'd met someone new already. I mean his phone had been going off all night so I was already getting a bit suspicious.. But when I asked what he meant, he said "well, we can start a new relationship. A new us." I couldn't help but smile. I asked him to stay over the night, but he said no. He said we have things to sort out first before we can really move back in together and be in a full on relationship. Which I agree with.
But I am SOOO confused. I mean he seemed soo uninterested in getting back together, I don't know what happened. If I knew we were going to be working things out I wouldn't have even brought our break up into my blog at all.. Ah well.

Thirty Six Weeks;

No updates today, just a photo of my bump - which looks like it's shrinking, ha ha. I haven't had a phone call off my midwife saying that I need iron tablets, so I imagine that I don't anymore.

James and Isabella - what happened.

Monday night we got into a huge argument. It was quite petty really, he'd been annoying me all evening and I'd been biting my tongue so when it came down to something really little I just burst. He ate some sausage rolls that I'd bought for myself and Lilia to have for a quick lunch on days where we were going out and needed something fast and easy, etc. Anyway I started shouting at him for it and when I went upstairs he followed me up and continued the argument. I told him how upset I am that he kept choosing to go out over spending any time with me, and he said "yeah, because I can't stand you".. Long story short, we shouted and screamed for ages and I ended up in tears. He finished me then and there and slept out in my side passage shed thing. The next day he left early in the morning and we didn't get to speak much. He asked if he could spend the night here because he had nowhere to go that night, I said yes - foolishly thinking it'd give us a chance to talk about things rather than shout and I even thought that maybe we'd be able to work things out. Maybe he'd say he only ended it in the heat of the moment.. I was wrong. He came back at 10pm and didn't really speak to me. I tried to make normal conversation first and I was just getting short answers, nothing I could use to keep the conversation going. I figured there was no point in me even bringing up such a sensitive topic when he didn't even want to talk about random stuff. He fell asleep not long after, and I sat there just staring at him, with tears in my eyes. I wanted so badly to talk to him and to sort things out. To kiss his cheek goodnight or even to cuddle up next to him, in his arms where I belong..

I went to bed, and cried for a few hours, ha ha. I woke early in the morning thinking maybe he was just too tired to talk to me last night. He still didn't want to talk. He bothered with Lilia for a few minutes, before getting up to get washed and dressed and then leaving. I'm not stupid, so I knew this was really it. He didn't even want to speak about things so obviously he knew what he was doing when he broke up with me. I weren't going to bother trying to sort things out again. We didn't speak all day, and he text me saying he was picking up some of his stuff and going to live with his Gran and Grampa. I just said okay. When I got back to the house some of his clothes were already gone, I text him asking where he left my spare key and he said he'd bring it up Saturday when he comes to help me have new sofas delivered.

I still love him with all my heart and I still miss him, but he obviously doesn't want to be with me so what can I do. I'd rather be hurt over us not being together than him be with me and not actually want to.

I'm still a bit raw so I don't know how it is going to go when I see him tomorrow, I still find myself tearing up over stupid things now. Wish me luck, eh.

Single Mummy To Two?

Just a quick post to tell you all that James and I have split up again. We've been split up for two days, but I didn't bother mentioning it because up until today I thought we'd get back together. I don't think so now, though.
I'll post again talking about it when I have time or when I'm ready or whatever.. But thought you guys should know.

Yay!

Words can't express how unbelievably happy I am right now! I have had a very busy day and I'm soo exhausted right now, but it was so worth it. My mother came down today and helped James and I finish painting the babies' room. It is now almost completely painted! The ceiling needs to be cut in again, but that's all that's left to be done with the paint. This week coming up my mother and I are going to buy some decor for the wardrobe that is in there and funk it up to fit the theme of their bedroom. Once it's all nice and tidy looking, we will put it in it's place and James and his friend are going to have to move our wardrobe out of there and back into our room (it has been in the kids' room since we fitted the carpet in our room, James hasn't had a chance to move it back yet, plus our room isn't painted anyway and we thought we'd have it done by now). Once that is done we shall be moving Lilia's cot and her little bits and bobs which we have stored in our room at the minute into the bedroom, and work on getting her to stay in there. It is all coming along nicely now and it really feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Once it is completely done I am sure I'll feel like I am flying with the amount of baggage that will have been lifted, ha ha!
We even managed to wash all of Tyler's clothes and get them away, AND painted the entire bathroom! I am so happy it's unbelievable. It has definitely been exhausting though.
All I have left to do tonight now is get my washing in off the line, pick up Lilia's toys from the living room, do the dishes, take the recycling out, and then clean the bathroom. After that I will be soaking in a lovely hot bubble bath, and then curling up in bed to have a nice long sleep with a massive grin on my face.



ONE HAPPY MUMMY/HOUSE WIFE RIGHT NOW! :D

Thirty Five Weeks!

I have started to pick up a bit this week, not been as uncomfortable in the days now, just the nights, though his movements are becoming VERY painful. I am still finding myself to be tired in the evenings, but I don't seem to be that tired throughout the day any more. I am still nearly always hot and sweaty, and the weather has picked up a bit now so as you can imagine I am not loving the heat. The only other new update I have is that I had an antenatal appointment yesterday, just a regular check-up, and they had to take more bloods. Nothing serious, but at my last appointment where I had my bloods done (twenty nine weeks) I was borderline anaemic, and they needed to do another test to see if I need iron tablets. It explains why I've been feeling so awful and drained all the time. To be honest I just put it down to being pregnant and having a young baby on top of a house to sort out! So anyway I just gotta wait for them to phone me with my blood results now to find out if I need to get some tablets. My blood pressure was slightly low, but it usually is and it was when I went all dizzy and faint from having my bloods done anyway, ha ha. I forgot to mention my swelling to her, and I forgot to ask her to measure me too, because I was in such a tizz from my bloods. It took her a while to find Tyler's heartbeat, I knew he was fine but of course I am still going to worry. When I moved onto my back (I was lying in foetal position, feeling very sick, haha!) and she found his heartbeat, she said it was probably because I was in an awkward position and wasn't co-operating very well. She said he sounds like he is feeling better than I am anyway, ha ha! She felt his position too when she couldn't find his heartbeat, but she never told me or wrote in my notes what it was. Again I didn't ask because I wasn't feeling too good and it wasn't the first thing on my mind, ha ha. That's about it I think. Five weeks to go! I can't believe it!

Random post 'cos I can :)

Okay so I'm in the middle of cleaning and washing and organising, but my feet have swollen up and are aching like mad so I'm resting them for a minute. I could probably power through; since I only have a little bit of picking up, mopping, and turning a dial on my washing machine left to do, but I have a few things I wanted to write about so I'm using my achy feet as an excuse.. But hey, pregnancy is a good excuse for a lot of things :P!
Anyways, I thought it'd be easier to put everything into one post rather than do like three separate ones, so I've just titled them out to separate them, ha ha....

TWO SETS OF TWO!!
I'm a member of a group on Facebook for young mums in my local area and a few members wanted to meet up a couple of months back. I never went, but I have been talking to one of the members for a while and we are hoping to meet up soon (but maybe if it's hard for me to get organised for Tyler's arrival, a little later on after his birth). This woman is amazing, I have so much respect for her and what she has been through. When she was just twelve she got told that it was highly unlikely she would ever have children. Just three years after that she naturally conceived non-identical twins. At the very young age of fifteen, someone who thought she'd never be a mother at all became a mother of two. Her little boys, Oliver and Jack, are now seven years old and perfectly healthy, absolutely nothing wrong with them. Not to mention she also has ANOTHER set of twins! One year old identical little girls, Mollie and Maegan, who are also perfectly healthy and have nothing wrong with them. I was so fascinated by her story, even after having her first set of twins she was still told it is unlikely she'll conceive again.. And she did, with MORE multiples! She was telling me how she's met a few people who have been in the same situation - told they cannot have kids and conceived either multiples or more than once! This woman counts her blessings and thanks the lucky stars for her 'miracle babies', but really I just think sometimes maybe doctors don't know everything. I mean they've obviously gotten infertility wrong many times before! Really makes you think, huh.

YOU HAVE HOW MANY?!
I've known someone for a while now, but only ever met up with her once. She is just twenty one years old and has FIVE children, one angel baby, and she is pregnant.. She has a four year old son, a daughter who she lost at twenty odd weeks pregnant, an eighteen month old daughter, and four month old twin boys. And she is ten weeks pregnant with another baby.. Only fellow mothers will understand how much respect I have for this woman. I mean, I wouldn't be that crazy or do the things that she has done, but she is coping very well with so many kids and she also has a job! I honestly don't know how she does it. You would never believe she has so many kids. Because of her job, her energy, and also her body.. She has a better body than me, and I've only had one (so far)! She manages to find time to go to the gym for an hour a week, keep up her job, be a mother to these children, and never forget her beautiful angel. In my opinion, yes her choices have been silly and she is so incredibly stupid to have had so many children so young and by so many different guys - all of which are not in her or her children's lives (every child has a different father except for the twins and the baby currently growing), but she is managing so well and I really respect that! Still can't get over how many kids she has and the fact that she is pregnant again though. I mean what the?! Who in their right mind would?! .. I just can't believe it, ha ha.

IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU'D CONSIDER BEING A GOOD FRIEND?
So my friend has really peed me off lately. She comes over when she feels like it and doesn't care if she disrupts poor Lilia's routine. She gets pissed if I'm busy and not there to accommodate her last minute plans, and then writes bitchy Facebook status' aimed at me saying how I'm never there for her, etc, which is in fact far from the truth.. Very far from it. Anyway, she came over this morning when I was in the middle of cleaning. You could clearly tell I was busy and trying to clean and apart from that I'd already told her.. She emptied Lilia's toy box out completely for her little girl, and watched her little girl break two of Lilia's toys. One was a soft sheep that her little girl bit, and to be honest I'd been waiting for someone to break it because I knew it was coming, but the other was a light up sword thing that James paid a fiver for when we took Lilia to the circus.. I was gutted. Not only was it expensive and a nice little reminder of the fun we had that night but it was sharp and had wires in! I couldn't believe she just watched her daughter break it, and didn't say a word. She didn't tell her off, just kicked the toy to one side! Then she made a sly comment about how she only gives her child water, just because I give Lilia very weak squash! And then went on to say "fill Lottie's bottle up with the same amount" when I went to do Lilia a bottle of milk to help her go off to sleep.. As soon as I made the bottles up - which I only did because I felt a bit mean giving to one and not the other - she left! So I carried on cleaning and have found an empty fag box, a half empty can of Monster energy drink with the rest of it spilt all over my floor, puddles of juice which she had used my CLEAN washing to wipe up, and Lilia's toys were still left everywhere. I wouldn't mind the toys being left out if she hadn't tipped the entire box out. I mean, every mother knows what it's like to have a child and to constantly be picking up after them.. I don't need more mess on top of Lilia's mess already and being heavily pregnant. If I go over her house I always make sure Lilia treats Lottie's toys with respect, and I tell her off and take them off her if she doesn't. I make sure I pick up any mess Lilia has made and I certainly don't make any mess myself! If Lilia tips something I'll ask her what to use to wipe it up or use Lilia's wetwipes - I would never leave it or use her freshly folded washing to wipe it up! I just can't believe the state she has left my house in especially after knowing that I have been trying to clean it today! And I would also never be cheeky and ask for milk or ANYTHING off of her unless Lilia really needed it, I always make sure I go everywhere prepared. Not to mention the fact that Lottie had already had a bottle of milk in front of Lilia! Ugh. I don't think that's really a good friend tbh, do you?!

34 weeks;

So again I haven't really experienced anything different to last week and the week before. Tyler is still a very active baby, but definitely moves less than he used to. This may be a bit TMI for some of you, but my private parts are starting to feel very swollen. This is a sign of the baby dropping, I've been told. Though my bump doesn't feel as low as it did last week, so I don't know. I feel sick in the mornings and it takes about an hour of sitting around doing nothing except having breakfast and watching TV to make me feel okay. I have days where I have no energy at all and really don't want to do a thing, and then other days I nest and have to clean things otherwise it bugs me.. So I guess I'm kinda nesting, ha ha. I am working my way through three big bags of clothes that we have been given for Tyler from friends who have had boys in the past. So far I have done two loads of washing and emptied one and a bit bags. I also have a small bag of things that I have from Lilia or that me or my family have bought for Tyler left to wash. There are also multiple bags that James' mother has been given for us. I haven't seen how many, but James said there are A LOT of them. So it looks like I am going to spend my days doing lots of baby washing! Good job the teeny clothes are so cute to look at, ha ha. I have been having braxton hicks quite a lot this week. It has worried James' mother to the point that she has asked to have Lilia for a few days! She wanted Lilia from Thursday until Sunday but I would just miss her too much, so we came to an agreement of late afternoon Thursday until Saturday morning/early afternoon. I am missing her like crazy, but using the time wisely and preparing for Tyler, since everyone seems to be convinced that he'll be making an early appearance! I am going to spend the rest of today painting the babies' bedroom, hopefully I can get it all finished today and then we can move Lilia in and get the moses basket down here from my mums ready for Tyler!