Rockstar Ronan.

Did any of you hear about Taylor Swift writing and performing a song for a little boy who died of cancer, aged just four years old? If you haven't, listen to the song. It is beautiful. I only heard about it today because I randomly came across an article on Daily Mail saying how she had recovered from her tearful performance.. So I read it and then heard about the blog that this little Angel's mother had wrote (and is still writing) while facing this struggle. I typed the name of the blog into Google and found it straight away. I read so many posts, and when it came to the post she had written telling everyone that Ronan had passed away.. I just lost it. I was already pretty emotional reading about him being diagnosed; I got pretty bad reading about his treatment, couldn't stop crying silently to myself when I read about him getting worse.. But then I read about him passing away. Oh my God, I just burst. I have been sat on my bed blubbing to myself like an idiot for an hour. How cruel life can be!
It has really made me think about life, and how much I have been taking for granted. It made me think about all the minutes I spend apart from Lilia, all the times I have let her play by herself at the other end of the room while I did my own thing.. I can't believe I ever took those moments for granted. After reading Maya's blog I got up and went into Lilia's bedroom. I tucked her in and kissed my hand and placed it on her beautiful cheek (I can't reach her in her cot because my belly is in the way and her cot is on lowest setting, lol). She woke up for a minute and I put her mobile on and gently stroked her hair until she fell back asleep. There I found myself crying again. I didn't want to leave her side. I wanted to sit next to her cot and watch her all night, or better yet I wanted to grab her out of her cot and cuddle her in my bed. Even writing this my eyes are filling with tears and my arms are longing to hold Lilia.
You never know what's around the corner, so you should make the most of everything. Even the little moments. IE; while bathing your child, take a moment to memorise every inch of their body. Every freckle, every mark, every dimple.. While your child pushes you away because they don't want cuddles or kisses, smile at them and sweetly tell them you love them as you watch them be independent. Join in when your child is playing with their toys. Read a story to your child, and then another.. Cuddle and kiss your child whenever they let you, remind them that they are your reason for living. Never let them forget. Simple moments like meal times, talk to them, make stupid noises as you feed them.. Make the most of everything. Because you really do never know what might happen. Maya had her entire world taken away from her, and I can't even begin to imagine what that is like. I would die if I lost Lilia or Tyler. She is so incredibly strong, and I really admire her. I don't know if I'd ever be able to do it.
So now here I am, 12:15am, sitting on my bed wide awake thinking of all the times I have taken my precious daughter for granted. Thinking of all the things I should do with her, if there was ever enough time in the world. I can't give her a lot of material things because I am not the wealthiest of people. But I can definitely give her something priceless. I can give her my heart. It was already my goal to shower my Princess with love each and every day, but now hearing about Ronan has encouraged me to do more with her than I have before. I want to shower her with hugs and kisses and attention. I know it will be hard when Tyler is here, but I will get by. I won't let her forget how beautiful she is. Ever.
I can't sleep now. I have found myself wide awake and my mind is working over time. I am desperate to go and sit in Lilia's room and watch her sleep. But I know if I do I'll either end up disturbing her or staying awake all night and being like a zombie in the morning or falling asleep on the floor and having an achey everything and then struggling for the rest of the day. I just want to make every moment count. I guess the healthy way to do that is not staying up all night watching Lilia, or possibly disturbing her, it is to get a good nights rest ready for the morning.. To go into her room with a big smile when she wakes up and give her kisses and cuddles and tell her I love her. To play with her little fingers and toes as I dress her and to sing to her as I change her bum. The weather forecast is rubbish tomorrow, but I need to get milk anyway so we will make the most of that walk - even if it does mean I get soaking wet! Play with her, make aeroplane noises as I feed her. Tell her I love her every other minute. Kiss her and cuddle her at every given opportunity.. Read with her. Oh God, I am getting all emotional yet again. Your love for your children really is overwhelming. You don't know love like this until you have children of your own. It is at the same time both a blessing and a curse. They are the most amazing things to ever happen to you, but they add so much stress to your life. When Lilia was born I was too afraid to sleep and would wake up to make sure she was still breathing.. I still do this now. I sneak into her room to check. If she is sleeping and I think she is too quiet I have a panic attack. Lol. That's just motherhood for you.

Anyways, I am going to go and tuck my baby in one last time! (I know, I shouldn't, but I have to!) Then it is sleepy time for me so that tomorrow will come quicker. Can't wait to spend it with my gorgeous little Angel. If you want to read the blog about Ronan, type 'Rockstar Ronan' into your search bar. It should be one of the top results.

G'night readers. G'night my gorgeous children. G'night Maya and family. G'night and sleep tight little Ronan.
Love you to the moon and back.