James and Isabella - what happened.

Monday night we got into a huge argument. It was quite petty really, he'd been annoying me all evening and I'd been biting my tongue so when it came down to something really little I just burst. He ate some sausage rolls that I'd bought for myself and Lilia to have for a quick lunch on days where we were going out and needed something fast and easy, etc. Anyway I started shouting at him for it and when I went upstairs he followed me up and continued the argument. I told him how upset I am that he kept choosing to go out over spending any time with me, and he said "yeah, because I can't stand you".. Long story short, we shouted and screamed for ages and I ended up in tears. He finished me then and there and slept out in my side passage shed thing. The next day he left early in the morning and we didn't get to speak much. He asked if he could spend the night here because he had nowhere to go that night, I said yes - foolishly thinking it'd give us a chance to talk about things rather than shout and I even thought that maybe we'd be able to work things out. Maybe he'd say he only ended it in the heat of the moment.. I was wrong. He came back at 10pm and didn't really speak to me. I tried to make normal conversation first and I was just getting short answers, nothing I could use to keep the conversation going. I figured there was no point in me even bringing up such a sensitive topic when he didn't even want to talk about random stuff. He fell asleep not long after, and I sat there just staring at him, with tears in my eyes. I wanted so badly to talk to him and to sort things out. To kiss his cheek goodnight or even to cuddle up next to him, in his arms where I belong..

I went to bed, and cried for a few hours, ha ha. I woke early in the morning thinking maybe he was just too tired to talk to me last night. He still didn't want to talk. He bothered with Lilia for a few minutes, before getting up to get washed and dressed and then leaving. I'm not stupid, so I knew this was really it. He didn't even want to speak about things so obviously he knew what he was doing when he broke up with me. I weren't going to bother trying to sort things out again. We didn't speak all day, and he text me saying he was picking up some of his stuff and going to live with his Gran and Grampa. I just said okay. When I got back to the house some of his clothes were already gone, I text him asking where he left my spare key and he said he'd bring it up Saturday when he comes to help me have new sofas delivered.

I still love him with all my heart and I still miss him, but he obviously doesn't want to be with me so what can I do. I'd rather be hurt over us not being together than him be with me and not actually want to.

I'm still a bit raw so I don't know how it is going to go when I see him tomorrow, I still find myself tearing up over stupid things now. Wish me luck, eh.