Hello my dear blog readers. I am so sorry I have deserted you for so long, but I am sure you understand. My life is completely different now compared to what it was before I left my blog, and definitely compared to what it has ever been. It's true what they say, having two children is SO different compared to having one.
Sometimes having two children, especially both so young and close in age, can be so challenging. I will have days where I really struggle. Days where I get nothing done and both of them drive me insane. I had one night where I just burst into tears and completely broke down. Lilia woke up and wanted to cuddle me in bed, but Tyler needed a cuddle before going to sleep and they would both scream until I cuddled them. Each time Tyler went down Lilia would wake him up by crying, so he would then cry and need my attention too.. Lilia wouldn't let me cuddle them both at the same time and was getting so upset. It broke my heart seeing her so upset because of me. Eventually I managed to get both babies to sleep by having Tyler in my arms and Lilia wrapped up in my legs. I cried the entire night. I knew Lilia would feel left out but this was horrible. It was awful seeing my daughter break her heart because she wanted a cuddle with her mummy. Just a cuddle. That is something I should have been able to give her. I am crying thinking about that night now, it was the worst night I have had with them. But saying that, there are also times where I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I have to incredibly amazing children who are more beautiful than life itself. Where did I get off being so lucky? Since when do I deserve these babies? Because I certainly didn't think I did. I can be having the hardest day and just one smile will remind me why I am doing it. Just one toothy smile off my gorgeous little Princess will give me patience with her, will let me put up with her throwing her tantrums because I know she only wants more attention than what she has been getting. She is a baby too. When Tyler smiles, granted it is more than likely wind, it melts my heart. The lack of sleep doesn't matter.
Tyler is a completely different baby compared to what Lilia was. Tyler never wants to go down and it makes things so hard. But I am pushing through. When he is a bit older I will look back and realise that it was all worth it!
I don't know what is going on with James. A lot has happened since I have been M.I.A and it is just too much to explain. It's confusing to me and I have been living it, so I'm not sure if you guys would understand anything, ha ha.
The reason(s) I have been M.I.A are my children are my priority, my children are difficult to look after whilst being on a laptop, and my laptop has been broken for two weeks anyway. So that being said I will be on more often, I'm just not sure how often because obviously it depends on Tyler and Lilia.
Tyler will be four weeks old tomorrow. That's a month, weeks-wise. I actually can't believe it. I forgot how fast the newborn days fly passed you. He is no longer a tiny (not that he was ever tiny) little baby. He is such a whopper. I had the health visitor come out on Monday to do one of her vists and she weighed him.. He was 10lb 6.5oz! I couldn't believe it. What a fatty!
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