That one person..

Who you will always have feelings for no matter what..

James came by today to visit Lilia. He admitted to being a bad dad, and said that it needs to stop. I agreed and he asked if he could come over more often.. What could I say? I had to say yes, it's great that he's taking an interest now - but in a way, I wish I could've said no. I wish I just turned to him and told him that he can't swan in here like everything is fine now that Lilia has a bit of a personality. I'm not doing all the hard work for him to get all the rewards. But how could I have said that? How could I ever deprive my daughter of a father - or even James of his daughter, for that matter. So of course I had to smile politely and agree to it.
He saw how awkward I was about this decision, so he leaned forward and glared at me - eye contact with him always made me weak at the knees, and he knew that. He told me how he was going to change and how he was foolish to ever let Lilia go, and me. I didn't respond to that, I just told him it was time to go and he can come and see Lilia whenever he wants to. I didn't want him to know that what he said gave me butterflies. I didn't want the butterflies at all, but they were there.
He text me about an hour and a half after he left. He asked if we could meet for coffee tomorrow so that he can spend some time with Lilia. I foolishly said yes. I don't want to stop them from bonding and getting to know eachother on my own selfish terms of not wanting to fall head over heels for him again.
I mean, when we broke up I knew I'd never fully get over him. There's no such thing as loved. But I didn't realise just how much of the feelings I had would come flooding back just by seeing him again. It's been so long that I managed to bury my feelings.. At least until today.
Ugh. I can see this either going so very very badly wrong, or going so amazingly right. Why do I think it'll be the first one?! Grunt grunt grunt!!

Hello strangers!

Hello my lovely blog followers!
I'm so sorry I haven't posted in so long - twenty one days to be exact! I used to be such an active blogger, but since giving birth I haven't really had much time. Well, since Lilia got a bit older and started sleeping less I've been ill of time.
So I'm going to try and update whenever I get a chance now, because I feel not only have my readers (if I have any left!) are missing out on the growth and development of Lilia, but I'm missing out on memories I could be keeping by posting things in the blog.

So Lilia is fourteen weeks and three days today. I can't believe it! That's three and a half months. Mad. That's over a quarter of a year, and just under a third! I can't believe in two and a half months time she'll be six months! Time is going way too fast.
She's smiling, laughing, and definitely getting her personality! It's a cheeky one. She's such a happy baby, and loves people and attention. She's on 6oz of milk, the hungrier baby formula. She weighs 13lb 14 1/2 .. She was weighed six days ago and was only 13lb 9 1/2! That's 5oz in just six days... What a little pudding!
She will quite happily sit in her bouncer by herself for me to do things around the house or sterilise her bottles, etc.. But she does end up getting bored, or wanting attention, etc. She will NOT be left when she wants her feed though - when she's hungry, she's HUNGRY! Unless she's sleeping she will not go later than the time her feed is due, most of the time she goes earlier. She's not ready for 7oz yet though, I think she's just having a growth spurt or something..
Oh, and she's basically sleeping through the nights now. We are co-sleeping until she fits into a cot (wasn't planned!!) but her last feed is usually around 11-12ish, then we get up 7-8ish(: ... It's great!

No more updates about Lilia, and I haven't really got any updates about myself..

Update on Lilia :)

My perfect little angel will be 12 weeks (THREE MONTHS!!!) on Sunday. She sleeps all the way through the night from whatever time we go to bed (it varies, but usually around 11ish due to night feed) til 8ish. She has 6oz of Cow&Gate formula, and she's still on the first stage of milk - not hungrier baby. She is full of giggles and smiles constantly. She gurgles and babbles at me, and loves kicking her legs. She is so nosey and loves looking at things. She had her 8 week injections on 25th August, when she was nearly ten weeks. She will have her 12 week injections when she is nearly sixteen weeks. I'm doing just fine too, loving life as a mommy :) That's all I can really think of, but if I find more news or updates on anything I'll update:)